In our last newsletter we spoke about the difference between focusing on the process of change rather than the outcomes. Focus on outcomes and failure is evident; focus on the process and change is definite! I also shared that I will give you a “starter pack for change” (click here if you missed that newsletter). Let’s take on the challenge of change!
It is important to understand that what we require for things to change is not to try hard, or be committed, or even make another New Years resolution, but something call Cognitive Dissonance. You can go ahead and google the definition, but in short it is concerned with the tension that is caused when you have two conflicting ideas. Should you hold the belief that you are fat and unsexy as well as being beautifully built and hot, we would call you crazy! You can’t believe you are rich and poor at the same time…or fast and slow! If you hold such thoughts we can recommend a few places that can take care of you. No one can live with two conflicting ideas at the same time for very long. For you to retain your sanity, your brain, when confronted with a conflicting idea, jumps to the most dominant one, and cuts out, or blocks the other idea through a process of justification or selective perception. But it is in understanding the idea that the brain cannot hold two conflicting ideas where we find the “trick” for change.
Over the next few months I will show you how to cause the cognitive dissonance you need to bring about the change you want. We will build the correct conflicting idea, strengthen it, make it more dominant than the one you currently hold and just like that, some chemical changes in your brain will allow for this new you to come forth, and this with very little effort.
Creating the correct dissonance
Change brain-paths through language
Getting visualization right
Neuro-linguistic programming at its best!
With the next newsletter we are going to jump in boots and all with Creating the correct tension. But lets start…I can’t wait that long. I told you to get a journal, or use your computer…well, here is something I want you to do for me. A few important steps for you to write down that will set the stage for us to continue next time:
Step 1: Write down the ugly horrible truth of the thing you want to change. The other day a lady told me that she wants to eat slower when under stress. That was very nicely and safely said. The ugly truth is, that she was comfort eating. We must not be nice with the areas we want to change, but very very truthful. Write down the truth about what you want to change and also how it makes you feel. This is the very first step.
STEP 2: Ask yourself, am I truly dissatisfied with it? Be honest…sometimes change is a nice-to-have because we got use to the disgusting-ness we want to change. I remember when I first wanted to change something big, I actually went through an identity crises thinking that I will lose a part of myself…how dissatisfied are you really?
STEP 3: This new thing you want…how passionate are you about it. How passionate are you about the change you want?
STEP 4: Can you see yourself vividly in it? I will do much more explaining about this one, but can you close your eyes and see yourself being this changed person or having this changed behavior?
STEP 5: Well you will have to wait for our next news letter for step 5 because it is way outside the box!
Lastly, for our journey of change you will need to be vulnerable. Do yourself a massive favour and go to the following link and listen to Brené Brown talk about vulnerability. With vulnerability comes change…so lets get this one right as we unpack our exciting starter kit for change!
by Cobus Oosthuizen